#19 - Interviews - in Reset Number Four
“Fuxie, get your gross old butt in here!” Nikki hollered from the video booth.
“Don’t tell me what to do,” the old foxy lady grumbled in return.
“Alright, could you please come in here and tell our cameras some fun secrets?”
“Ha! You bet. I know a lot of funny secrets. Who do you want to hear about?” Fuxie grinned, rubbing her hands together as she slid into the booth. “I feel a secret about to slip out of my body and into this booth right now.”
“I sure hope it’s verbal! We’re trying to cheer this bird up.” Nikki put her arm around Thanks as they sat near the camera, across from Fuxie.
“Alright, I’ll save that one for when I leave.” She leaned back in her seat, “Haha, oh! I know someone that still wets the bed. Two animals, actually. Make that three. Uh, Bubba too, so... four...” Fuxie started counting on her fingers, making it to her other hand. “Eh, I guess if that many animals wet the bed, it’s probably a normal thing to do. Do you two do that?”
Thanks and Nikki looked at each other with big, worried eyes, and no plans on answering her question.
“What kind of people are you friends with, Fuxie? Jeeze.” Nikki sat back, “Okay, actually we have serious questions for you.”
“Then I’m outta here!” Fuxie started to get up.
“Wait! What would you do if you won Boxer Beats?” Nikki leaned in, desperate for information.
“It’s a lot of money!” Fuxie laughed, “I’m gonna retire after. I’ve been meaning to forever. I almost have enough money. There’s a place out there my kind likes to go to... I think it’s where my dad’s at. Where you can just sit back with all your money and not do anything.”
“And, if you lost the competition, would you-”
“I won’t lose.” Fuxie leaned in, baring her teeth, “Just watch me.”
“No no! I mean, like, what else out there makes you happy?” Nikki tried to word it carefully, “If you weren’t winning money, what would you want to win?”
“Sounds like a bribe. What’re you offering?” Fuxie folded her arms.
“Well, Thanks is a witch. Maybe she can make one of your wishes happen.”
Thanks went silent as Nikki offered her talents for them.
“Really? Could you put a curse on everyone? Magically turn all clothes invisible? Make it so everyone has to walk around with their dingle dangles in the open?” Fuxie started laughing, continuing to list all kinds of embarrassing situations.
“Couldn’t you go to a clothing-free colony for that?” Nikki suggested. She looked down and saw, Fuxie didn’t wear clothes anyways. She had an eye patch, a lot of freckles, and some bodily tattoos. “Thankfully you have plenty of fur...”
“Oh! Could you wish for everyone to lose their fur? And not be able to wear clothes? Ahaha!”
“Damn it, Fuxie...” Nikki gave a hushed sigh, “So that’s what you truly want?”
“I dunno.” Fuxie got out of her seat and walked out of the booth. “I know I wanna leave! See ya.”
Nikki and Thanks looked at each other, annoyed. “Yeah, I don’t think anything important is going to happen if she wins,” the flapinko bird rolled her eyes.
“Let’s get out of here and find someone else to interview.” Nikki coughed, holding her breath as the two ran out of the Fuxie-scented booth.
“I kinda regret that. This time I get to pick...” Nikki looked down her friend list, “Oh, Gaydar seems cool. Let’s get him in here!”
After a quick call, the big, beefy gator slipped into the camera booth to talk.
“Well hello there!” Gaydar gave a great, big smile that matched his cheerful voice perfectly. He wore adorable pink boxing gloves that politely rested on his knees while his thick legs gently kicked about. “How are you two doing today?”
“Not that great - but you look so happy!” Nikki smiled, “I already feel a little better. But uh, we’re here to find out - what will you do if you win Boxer Beats?”
“I’ll thure try to win! Hmmmm... there’th a lot of thtuff I could buy with thirty dollarth. I could throw partieth or buy more gym equipment, and enjoy being rich!” Gaydar started to rub under his chin, “But... I am gettin’ a lil older.”
Nikki sighed, gazing dreamily towards Gaydar. He was really hot. He had a strong, chubby body, and a cute white tank top that covered his chest while exposing his smooth, yellow belly. His ankles had little pink leg warmers on ‘em that matched the handkerchief around his neck. He was beautiful to look at.
“Owning more thingth ith cool...” Gaydar contemplated, “but it doethn’t feel like life would be complete. I think for that, I’d want thomeone to thare all that with. Maybe I’m gettin’ ready to thettle down.” The big, happy gator simply shrugged with a smile. “Whatever it ith! Whether good friendth or more, or thomething elthe entirely.” At least Gaydar had some idea about what he was after!
Nikki’s lust-struck eyes were too obvious on the gay gator, and he started to pick up on it.
“Don’t you be givin’ me thothe eyeth! I know what that’th all about~” Gaydar stood up and streeetched his arms up, gettin’ on his tippy toes while pushin’ his belly outward. “Not really my type. I like ‘em thmooth and thcaly.” Gaydar stroked a claw upon Thanks’s bird beak as he waltzed away, “But your bird buddy here ith cute.”
Nikki and Thanks started to feel awkward after Gaydar left.
“I forgot I’m being a girl...” Nikki whined.
Thanks gulped, “I forgot I’m being a guy!”
Throughout the day, Nikki and Thanks interviewed more boxers to find out whose victory would be the most useful to them. Eventually, everyone was excited to talk about themselves in a more intimate interview, and boxers were lining right outside the booth!
“So, what kind of prize is everyone looking forward to when they win?” Nikki asked like a million times. If they weren’t writing things down, they wouldn’t have remembered who said what. Could you imagine hearing the answers, but not knowing who said them?
“I forgot there was going to be a cash prize!”
“I’ll give most the money to my church but I’ll buy myself a sex toy first.”
“Dollars aren’t even currency on Our Planet. Can’t you only use them on Arth?”
Some boxers had ideas that were better than others.
“I’m going to buy a lot of noodles!”
“Don will use. Any money. For hot foxes.”
“I want to fly a plane into the stars!”
A lot of them didn’t seem to care about a prize at the end...
“It would feel good to win...”
“MY LIFE ISN’T GOING TO CHANGE WHETHER I WIN OR LOSE.”
“I don’t care if I win, I’m only here to stalk an ex-boyfriend.”
It didn’t sound like most boxers had an important reason to win. Now it felt like there was a whole other problem! Most of these boxers had such useless desires, why would it matter if any of them won? How come the only way to stop the reset was by making anyone here happy?
However, Nikki and Thanks started to listen to what would make them happy regardless of winning the competition.
“I wanna make sure the audience is having a good time.”
“I want a plashe in the shity for Shweaty and I to live in!”
“Your bird friend could make me happy with his beak alone. Wink wink.”
Some of them were more complex - like making some people happy would make others unhappy!
“I wish I could propose to my girlfriend without upsetting her kid.”
“I wish my mom wouldn’t date anyone.”
“I wish my son and my boyfriend would get along...”
And then, there was one that sounded like what Nikki and Thanks wanted.
“I wish all my friends could win Boxer Beats!” exclaimed an excited dinosaur. It was Nishi Gonzales - the embarrassingly bare dino! “I invited a lot of the boxers here, and I’d feel bad if I brought everyone I like to a place where they’re going to feel sad about losing... I kinda wish there was a way for them all to be happy.”
Nikki thought that sounded oddly familiar. And if not, it sounded oddly similar to her plan. And if not THAT, it sounded odd.
“So to be happy... you’d need to lose.” Nikki asked, piecing it all together.
“I don’t wanna lose!” the orange scaly butt whined.
“So you want to win, and make your friends lose instead?”
“No! I don’t want either.” Nishi crossed his arms and raised his snout all snooty.
“Get out.” Nikki pointed Nishi out of the booth. She couldn’t deal with this.
Thanks and Nikki sighed as they looked at the list together. They thought collecting more information would help, but now they felt completely off target.
“You know what? Let’s just pick a name and go with it.” Nikki looked down at the sheet, “Uh, Anger Mouse is alphabetical. Good enough for me.”
“I don’t like him!” Thanks cried, “He’s in jail, he looks gross and scary, he yells.” She looked around, “And, AND! Didn’t you hear him? His life isn’t going to change whether he wins or loses.”
“Maybe that’s why we have to help!” Nikki stuffed the list in her outfit and raised her paw in the air. “Someone as angry, mean, and gross like him seems hopeless! But we can do the impossible, Thanks...”
“No... don’t say it!” Thanks whined, falling to the floor.
“We can help Anger Mouse be happy! We’re gonna make him win Boxer Beats!”