#21 - The Deep Hole of Love - in Anger Mouse: The Pregnant Male
The competition was closing in! Anger Mouse and Don had to fight one more team to get into the big finale.
“Ladies and gentle-whatevers,” the announcer began, “we haaaaave... one. Last. Match. To goooooo~!” The crowd boomed in excitement - the largest crowds were always at the very beginning and end of the tournament.
“This next fight is gonna be hard and dirty.” The audience started giggling, getting their hopes up. “They’re all going to start on top, and the first one out of the bottom wins!” A large, rectangular block stood in the center of the ring, dangerously high up in the air. It was a glass tank filled with dirt. “Anger Mouse, Don Badge, Lesbuni, and Foxie will all punch the ground instead of each other, but their boxing gloves could make it tricky. It’s a boxing, punching, burrowing race to the finals!”
All four animals were known to be good at digging holes for themselves! Mice, badgers, bunnies, and foxes can all live underground. Anger Mouse and Don actually had a criminal hideout underground they dug themselves.
“LOOKS LIKE ALL OUR TIME LIVING IN DIRT PAID OFF.” Anger Mouse grinned - like the oddly-shaped pieces in his life were all coming together.
“Oh. But...” Don gazed over at their competitors. It was Foxie. Don was obsessed with foxes - this one in particular. “Don’s special fox. She is. Right there...”
“DON, DON’T EVEN THINK ABOUT IT. TALK TO HER AFTER WE KICK THEIR DIRTY BUTTS.” Anger Mouse growled, but Don had already walked over to her.
“Foxie. It is you.” The bondage badger looked up at her, with wide, shining eyes. “Don has wanted. To see you. All this time.”
“You... you what?” Foxie was a little confused.
Lesbuni popped in, “Don’t let that guy distract you, Foxie! We gotta win this!”
“Don has always. Wanted to say. How he feels...” Don choked, “About you.”
“FOR FOX’S SAKE, DONALD.”
“Aaaaand three, two, one, begin!” The hummingbird referee counted correctly for once in his life. However, nobody was digging. Or uh, ground-punching.
“Don, Foxie’s my girlfriend!” Lesbuni yelled at the old badger.
“Don has felt. This way. About your fox. Before you. Were even born.” Don raised his snout in exaggeration.
“Don, you really like me?” Foxie sounded touched.
“CAN WE ALL START DIGGING!?” Anger roared in frustration.
“Who cares if he likes you!?” Lesbuni screamed “You’re with me! I like you!”
“Sometimes... I’m not sure that you do...” Foxie covered her eyes.
“I’M GONNA START DIGGING...” Anger Mouse warned everyone, looking back as he started to punch the ground. There was a fight of its own brewing at the top of the glass case of dirt, but that wasn’t the one he had to win! The mouse dug his way down the hole, and away from the emotional mess above.
“How about. Don and Lesbuni. Dig a hole. For Foxie’s affection.” Don offered.
“What!? I’m not competing to keep my own girlfriend, Don.” Lesbuni crossed her arms as Don started digging.
“It would make me feel better, honestly...” Foxie sat down and curled her arms around her legs.
“ARE YOU SERIOUS!?” Despite all the capital letters - Lesbuni yelled out that one. “YOU’RE GONNA RISK ME OVER THIS RANDOM GUY?”
“At least he cares enough to eat all that dirt to show how much he loves me...” Foxie sounded so depressed, and a little whiny.
“We’re not eating dirt! We’re digging, or punching it, or whatever!” Lesbuni’s head was about to explode.
“We do not? Eat the dirt?” Don’s head poked up out of the hole, his mouth opening to let the dry dirt fall out. It was really disgusting. But it made Foxie laugh.
“Hahaha! Oh, oh that’s... really gross.” She covered her face as she continued to laugh.
Don nodded, “Yes. It is gross.” He started to laugh too! Both of them stayed at the top of the glass, laughing together in a cute little weird moment.
Lesbuni however, used the opportunity to dig, and beat Don at the competition she’d previously criticized. “Aha!” the little bunny laughed, digging down, reaching the half-way mark. She was even coming up on Anger Mouse.
“I’m gonna beat you, Don! And I’m gonna beat you, Anger!” Lesbuni laughed maniacally as she punched her way through the soft dirt below her.
“WHAT? NO. GO BACK UP THERE. HE’S GONNA TAKE YOUR LADY.” The angry mouse tried to convince her to leave, but she wasn’t buying it.
“He’s gonna lose her! And I’m gonna win her for keeps!” The little lady-lover lunged deeper into the dirt. Everyone watched closely - it looked like an ant farm with the two critters digging a path through the dirt against the glass. Everyone’s eyes were fixed on the bottom to see who would reach it first, and...
The cameras cut to the top of the dirt piles, where Don and Foxie still hadn’t made any progress. At least, not as far as the dirt digging went...
“Perhaps. Don and Fox. Could go out. For food eating?” Don calmly requested.
“Oh, I can’t, but I’d love to...” Foxie’s ears lowered, “I’m one of the boxers that are fighting during my jail sentence.” She pointed down to an animal outside the ring, “That’s my guard down there.”
Don gasped, “Next to. Your guard. Is my guard.” Don pointed down at the guards, who smiled and waved back up at them. Foxie put her arm around Don and started laughing again. Don shyly twiddled his paws around before suggesting, “Maybe... Don and Fox... Can get... Jail food lunches... together one day?”
Foxie’s face brightened up the widest it had all night! “I’d love that! It’d be nice having a new friend in jail. I haven’t laughed like this in so long... Don, I-”
“ANGER MOUSE WINS!!!” Oxnard yelled through the speakers as everyone watched Anger Mouse hit the bottom, and flop through the opening at the bottom of the case. He looked around, and jumped up and down excitedly at the news!
“I DID IT! I DID IT! I GOT TO THE FINALS!” The mouse leaped up in the air, looking up for his teammate, “DON, YOU USELESS BAG OF GARBAGE. WE DID IT. OR WELL, I DID.”
Lesbuni rolled out of the glass case shortly after. “Oh... oh darn it!” She stomped her foot on the boxing mat. “Well, at least I beat Don from the bottom.” She stood up and yelled towards the top of the glass casing, “I did it, Foxie! I dug all the way down to the bottom for you! We get to be girlfriends still!”
Lesbuni waited for a response, but she didn’t hear anything - and maybe Foxie didn’t hear her. The little bunny rabbit climbed her way back through the dirt tunnel, and popped out on top.
“Foxie?” Lesbuni looked around, no one was up there anymore. She looked back down, and saw Foxie celebrating with Don at the bottom. She... sure didn’t seem to care about all that work Lesbuni did for her! The little rabbit had some respect for herself though. She waited until Foxie would notice her, or look for her. But after the crowd calmed down, Foxie and Don exited the stadium, giggling together. Either Foxie simply forgot about her, or that was a break up!
“...How about that, folks?” Oxnard giddily squeaked over the speakers. “We’re all set for the final match. And if you’ve been paying attention, you already know the other six boxers that made it in!”
“I don’t know who’s in it!”
“I missed some of the other fights!”
“Not everyone knows, tell us who’s fighting!”
Oxnard could hear some of that! “So you wanna hear who the final eight are?”
The crowd was curious, and cheered for an answer.
“I’ll let my co-host Bushy Beaver do the honors.” Oxnard smiled, “Take it away, Bushy!”
Silence followed... for a long time!
“Oh, if you didn’t get the joke, Bushy’s not here. Anyone seen her? She kinda dropped out, I guess.” Oxnard frowned, “SO! Blame her for not telling ya who the final fighters are. You’ll just have to come to another match and find out for yourselves~”
The crowd groaned as they endured a collective case of blue balls.